I'm sorry, babe, I just can't couch this is anything semi-polite ... you look like sh*t!

That's Jason Trawick that Getty Images decided to cut out of the picture and while you may wish you could see how he looked, lemme tell you -- it's a blessing in disguise. His hair is orange and he looks like a high-class pimp.

britneygrammys2.jpgGetty Images

And Britney ... I'm thinking Jason might not be that great an influence on you. If he were, would he let you wear that out of the house?!

Are you trying to compete with Lady Gaga? You'll have to try harder ...

Are you trying to look sexy? You'll need to firm up ...

Are you trying to be "different"? "Shocking?" You'll need to push the envelope a tad more, sweetheart ...

Dear Britney, please remember you're a mom; you're supposed to be clear-headed these days; you're supposed to be in a happy, committed relationship. In my opinion, we just don't need to see you like this -- we don't want to see you like this!