John Mayer just can't stop talking about his former famous girlfriends.

He sat down for an interview with Playboy for their March issue, where he talks about crazy sex with Jessica Simpson, his enduring love for Jennifer Aniston and masturbation.

On Jessica:

    That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm.

On Jen:

    I love Jen so much that I’m now thinking about how bad I would feel if she read this and was like, “Why are you putting me in an article where you’re talking about someone else? I don’t want to be in your lineage of kiss-and-tells.”

On masturbation being as good as sex:

    During sex, I’m just going to run a filmstrip. I’m still masturbating. That’s what you do when you’re 30, 31, 32. This is my problem now: Rather than meet somebody new, I would rather go home and replay the amazing experiences I’ve already had.

John also tries to say that he's been relatively inactive since he and Jen broke up, only sleeping with "four or five" women since then. He also said Jen was still living in 1998 and called her technologically challenged, even as he denied his Twitter obsession was the reason they broke up.

Ummm, I don't really think calling her "old" is the best way to win her back!