Speaking out for the first time about the brutal 2008 murders that took the lives of her mother, brother and nephew, Jennifer Hudson called the experience "surreal."

"It's all a blur, it was surreal. It was like I was outside of myself," she said in an interview that aired last night on VH1's Behind the Music: Jennifer Hudson.

She describes the self-imposed seclusion she went into following the horrible news of the triple murders: "For almost two weeks straight . . . [I was] inside one room with just family and friends coming in and out. I prayed when I'd get up in the morning and prayed before I laid down at night."

But having her son, David, has brought her some peace.

The 11-month-old "reminds me of my nephew," Hudson said. But she's also reminded of her mother in parenting David. "In so many ways I channel her because she was such a great mom."