The slow motion takes! The awkward eye contact with the camera! The black background straight from a mall photo shop!

There's all that and more in this epic video from Teen Mom 2's Jo Rivera, also known, apparently, as N.I.C.K.B. (We welcome suggestions on what that stands for.)

Rivera wants to start a rap career, and he has big aspirations. One of the lyrics promises to buy the girl in the video (who we're guessing will regret this) diamonds.

Maybe Jo should focus more on diapers.

Many of the Teen Mom girls are trying to foray their newfound stardom into legitimate careers; most recently, Maci Bookout was reportedly pushing to get on Dancing With the Stars. Still, none have really found success -- unless you call court cases careers.

But no teen daddy has yet stepped up to harness his so-called celebrity.

See more excerpts from Rivera's lyrics after the jump.