Jessica Biel Rips My Heart Into Tiny, Tiny Pieces
Look, I can handle losing Jessica Biel to an absurdly hot girl - I mean, sweet Jesus can I ever handle it - but c'mon, to some other dude? That's just cruel. Because when you get down to it, what does Eric Newman really have that I don't? Millions and millions of dollars? A producer credit for Dawn of the Dead? Chiseled good looks? Pfft. Like girls ever really go for any of that stuff anyway. Girls these days are more into "broke" and "filled with self-loathing", right?
Right?
NOOOOOOOOOO
Cue up the Boyz II Men
Sigh. I see a lot of cheap Scotch and Bright Eyes albums in my near future.
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