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Posted on Tue May 16, 2006 01:22 PM PDT

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, apparently this exceedingly NSFW video clip of Brandon Davis making a point about Lindsay Lohan to Paris is only worth one, and that word is “fire-crotch”:

All there is to say to those of you trapped at work is that you need to run home to watch this treasure trove of truly mind-boggling revelations:

- GAZE in wonder at the least sober man in the world!
- DANCE with him from one conversational thread to another, all loosely affiliated with one topic residing squarely between Lindsay Lohan’s legs!
- PONDER the physiological mysteries put forth in true carnival barker style! Just how would Lindsay’s lady parts spew forth freckles? Is Lindsay’s dad, in fact, more attractive than her mom? How exactly would one manage a seven-foot-long…well, yeah, just watch the video already.

And rest assured, no matter what demure light Paris’ PR Action Squad may try to paint this whole incident in, it’s just as embarrassing at 25 years old to get caught busting a gut while someone ruthlessly shreds your ex-best friend as it was back in high school.

Ever wonder why all the impressionable Youth Of America look to Paris the way they do? Well, there you go.

Basically, it’s just a ridiculous situation all around. How ridiculous? The most accurate summation may actually come from Paris’ PR honcho Elliot Mintz, of all people:

“Personally," [Mintz] adds, "I found the incident unnecessary."

You and me both, buddy, but damn does it make for some good video!

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