Feb 5, 2014 12:38 PM
From disappointing sales of her highly anticipated album ARTPOP to her controversial duet with R. Kelly and her split with her longtime manager Troy Carter, Lady Gaga had quite the 2013. The mercurial songstress recently opened up to Harper's Bazaar about her tumultuous year for their March 2014 issue.
On the biggest thing she’s learned:
- “I became very depressed at the end of 2013. I was exhausted fighting people off. I couldn’t even feel my own heartbeat. I was angry, cynical, and had this deep sadness like an anchor dragging everywhere I go. I just didn’t feel like fighting anymore. I didn’t feel like standing up for myself one more time—to one more person who lied to me. But January 1, I woke up, started crying again, and I looked in the mirror and said, ‘I know you don’t want to fight. I know you think you can’t, but you’ve done this before. I know it hurts, but you won’t survive this depression.’…I learned that my sadness never destroyed what was great about me. You just have to go back to that greatness, find that one little light that’s left. I’m lucky I found one little glimmer stored away.”
On how she’s changed throughout the years:
- “I am better with food. I don’t have an eating disorder anymore. I’m also better at not letting people take advantage of me. Five years ago, when I spotted someone with a hidden agenda, I allowed them to stay around me. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought if I ignored it, then they would eventually see me again—that I’m a human being and not a doll. But it doesn’t work that way. I speak up now. I realized that it’s my own fault that people take advantage. I should be around people who cherish my talents, my health, my time. I’m not a pawn for anyone’s future business. I’m an artist. I deserve better than to be loyal to people who only believe in me because I make money.”
On talking to her mother about what sounds like her split with manager Troy Carter:
- "I went through a rough time last year. I felt very taken advantage of by people I trusted. I asked my mother, "I work so hard. I never stop. I never say no. Why doesn't this person love me, Mom? Why was this person willing to hurt me to help themselves? Why wasn't I enough? Why is money more important than me? She reminded me to forgive others for not seeing God where I see it. I see God in my fans. She said, "You're hurt because you don't operate this way. You are fiercely protective of your inventions because you are your fans." She helped me understand my own feelings. When someone has pulled the wool over my eyes, I feel that they have pulled the wool over the eyes of millions of fans around the world. She helped me to forgive. You can't force people to have the same world consciousness and awareness as you do."
The March issue of Harper's Bazaar hits newsstands on February 18.